Today, I have some thoughts that I would like to share with you -- words from the bottom of my heart. Of course, that is if you are willing to listen; if not, you may leave. What will I say? I have been in the United States for more than 30 years, which is not a short period of time considering it in number of years, months, days, or hours. Both Chinese and Americans urge me to become a U.S. citizen. It is said that having an American passport is the most convenient way to travel the world. American citizens are respected around the world, unlike Chinese passport-holders. Therefore, in these past 30-some years, both dignitaries and citizens have brought this issue to my attention.

When I first arrived in America in 1962, I lived in a basement. This basement had no windows. It was dark during the day, and of course, even darker at night. It was as if living in the grave. So, after I arrived in America, I chided myself, giving myself the name "a monk in the grave". Why such a name? I do not want to fight for fame, money, victory or defeat; it is like I am in a grave. After I left home in Northeast China, I got a nickname, "the Living Dead". Although I am alive, I do not fight over gain. I refuse to fight and be greedy. In this lifetime, I refuse to ask for any paybacks in anything I do; hence the name, "the Living Dead". Although this person is alive, it is as if he is dead, thus, "a monk in the grave" in America. When I am invited to lecture at universities, I also use the name "a monk in the grave".

I lived like this for a few years, until 1966, when I met Professor Epstein, Dr. Epstein, Ph.D., or Epstein. . . I am not sure how best to refer to him. Later, he went to Taiwan to study Chinese. I asked him to find a good teacher with whom he may take refuge in the Triple Jewel there in Taiwan. He is Jewish. I introduced him to a few Dharma Masters in Taiwan. Though he visited every one of them, he felt no affinities with any of them. Consequently, they had no affinities with his money. (You have to offer a red envelope [of money] with whomever you take refuge.) He did not have much money, so he asked me if he could take refuge with me. I told him, "You can wait for a while."

Later in 1968, he brought more than 30 people from Seattle, some were Ph.D. candidates, bachelor-degree students, masters degree students, and some were not students. Since he was quite popular, he introduced these people to the Shurangama Sutra lectures. The lectures on the Shurangama Sutra were offered as a summer course for about 96 days. After this, some students transferred from Seattle to San Francisco, one of them being Dr. Epstein.

I started to lecture daily to these people after they transferred to San Francisco. My vow is that as long as I have one breath left, I will lecture. When I breath no more, I lecture no more. Even though I am sick now, I will do my best to lecture. I know people may not necessarily want to listen to my lectures, but I cannot stop lecturing just because of this. Even if only one person is willing to listen to my lectures, I will continue to lecture. I will lecture to ghosts and gods, to all sentient beings. This is a simple summary of my thoughts. When I saw the papers say, "Hsuan Hua is homeless," I thought it true -- I am homeless now. Although the Republic of China does not necessarily want this citizen, China does not necessarily want this citizen either. These countries are not one person short without me or in need of one extra person like me; however, I am Chinese. I need to remember my native land. For this, I wrote something like a poem, rather, something like a verse. . . or just call it a few simple lines.

Now from the United States I have come back to Taiwan. I am not here to lecture or here as a part of a delegation. I am here to visit and to learn from all the eminent monks here. I am neither a high monk nor a virtuous individual. When the papers describe me in this way, I am ashamed to accept this mention. When I was young, I wanted to lead a revolution but it was unsuccessful. From that point on, I stayed away from politics. Eliminate violence? I will not ask. I am already the living dead and a monk in the grave. I do not even measure up to other average monks. They all have merit and virtue and they are here to propagate the Dharma. I am not even qualified to propagate the Dharma. I am learning just like everyone else. Now I have a few words for everyone.

China in chaos for several decades,
Moments of sadness remembered as tears well into a spring;
Ashamed in this life that I cannot turn back the tides,
Unfortunately lutes that set with the sun can hardly be played;
Along the winding path of life, humans and ghosts deceive,
They fry each other in the fluctuating political sea;
Though I have left home, I have not forgotten my loyalties,
Tracing my roots, I refuse to change my citizenship.

In these eight lines I express my thoughts that explain my behavior and explicate my determination. I can explain briefly:

China in chaos for several decades. This means that the Chinese live in high waters and hot fire but do not realize it. They are not patriotic. Why do I say Taiwan is in a dangerous situation? Team work is not used to establish the government. Wealthy business people should be loyal and patriotic but they doubt their own country. How do we prove they are unpatriotic? They invest in foreign countries, dispersing wealth in their country. Doling out wealth to the enemy indicates that these business people have no concept about patriotism. Poor people do this. For one, these are people who do not understand the principles and patriotism; instead, they only know about self-benefit and selfishness.

Although in certain countries, there are some Buddhists, a lot of them are not still. This is a loss for the country. If every national citizen were real Buddhists, they would believe in Buddhism, bow, and understand cause and effect. They would avoid behavior such as killing, setting fires, stealing, committing robberies, using drugs, taking short-cuts, playing lotteries, and gambling on stocks. These are inauspicious omens for these countries. Students forget about education, concentrating on superficialities. No one promotes the orthodox concepts of filiality, brotherly love, loyalty, faith, propriety, justness, integrity, and loyalty and patriotism, only concentrating on the pursuit of fame and benefits. These are inauspicious signs for these countries.

People do not know how to treasure life's wealth, wasting it away too easily. This is also inauspicious to the country. "People are the foundations to the state. If the foundation is strong then peace will follow". A range of unlucky trends do not benefit the country, which is the reason why I say Taiwan is in a very dangerous situation, a very dangerous situation. This is not to stir up any statement to scare people off; it is not like that at all. Can wealthy people nowadays donate everything to their country? A small amount of wealth does not count. I have not heard of any affluent individual donating everything to his country. People are interested in their own benefit and passing everything on to the next generation. Actually, if your son is better than you, or your "son's strength is like the father's", why are you leaving your wealth behind? Since he is more determined and competent, he will become richer than you. So why are you leaving behind so much?

Children and grandchildren enjoy their own blessings,
Do not slave yourselves for them, like cows or horses.

No matter how much money you own, you cannot bring it into the coffin with you after death. We have all heard this before, but no one pays attention to it. People have forgotten this logic; instead, everyone fights, is greedy, seeks, is selfish, pursues self-benefit, and lies. I am talking about a majority of people, not a minority. Do not assume that there are people willing to donate all their assets to their country; those individuals are in the minority. This is why China has been in chaos for decades.

Moments of sadness remembered as tears well into a spring. I am sad over this era of time and the happenings in the world, so my tears well into a spring. A lot of smart people do not do smart things; they do confused things. A lot of confused people want to do smart things but do not know how to do them. This is where things are imperfect.

Ashamed in this life that I cannot turn back the tides. I am ashamed that in this lifetime, I lack the ability to revert the hand of fate. If I did, I would think of a way to make China know how to save the country, manage the country, govern the world, and act graciously as a strong nation.

Unfortunately lutes that set with the sun can hardly be played. Why did I want to lead a revolution before? I saw the Japanese attack China. It was so unfair that I wanted a revolution against Japan. But I never did walk down that path, so I stopped inquiring into secular affairs.

Along the winding path of life, humans and ghosts deceive. Then I saw how paths in the world meander and twist and turn. They are dangerous. Humans and ghosts deceive each other. Chinese cheat foreigners and foreigners learn to do the same, "an eye for an eye." You defraud me and I dupe you. The entire world turns into a world of deception.

They fry each other in the fluctuating political sea. Political officials exclude and oppress one another. Belong to my party or gang, then I will promote you. I promote you on the basis of selfishness. If you do not belong to my faction, I will exclude you and suppress you so that you are depressed and cannot excel. They grill and roast each other in the fluctuating sea of politics.

Though I have left home, I have not forgotten my loyalties. Although I left home, I did not forget my patriotism. I will not alter my determination: I am Chinese, and forever Chinese, in every life, in every place. When China prospers, by that time I may or may not be around, regardless and at the least, I do not plan to change my citizenship in this lifetime. I am not eager for any bargain or convenience. So although I have left home, I have not forgotten my loyalties. I will not change my citizenship because I have not forgotten my origins.

These are some of my simple words, you probably understand a little more about me now.